My life is Diabetes or Diabetes is my life

I am bummed.  Seriously, seriously bummed.  I went to the doctor today for my usual 4 month or so blood sugar average (called an A1c) checkup.  I knew it might be higher because of all the holiday temptations I couldn't resist, but I didn't think it was as high as it is.  He threatened me with insulin if I didn't get it down.  I am not ready to make that step yet.  So now I am trying to figure out how to change my eating habits, what I can get by with without cooking a lot, and although I have been diabetic for 8 years now, I still don't really know what spikes me and what doesn't. 

Diabetes requires a lot of monitoring, stuff I don't have the patience for, like keeping a food log so you can know what food you should not eat, testing your blood sugar at least twice a day, if not more in case you are monitoring your food intake closely.  Making sure I have glucose tablets handy, or candy or something with sugar so I can treat myself if my blood sugar goes low.  The problem with candy is my giant sweet tooth which means I want the candy when I'm not low. I buy the small sizes of candy with sugar in it because sugar free candy tends to have a laxative effect, so I don't eat it very often.  Then there's the sick episodes I have almost every day where for a little while my stomach doesn't feel good, but it passes pretty quickly.  When I take all my morning medicine, it's 7 different pills and 3 are for the diabetes alone.  Then I take the same 3 at night.  I am always afraid to eat too much in case it might make my sugar go up too much, but then it might backfire on me and I might eat too little and need to eat more later.  I try to eat something every two or three hours to keep my sugar level more even.

I don't like to cook.  Not at all.  I used to like baking, but in this apartment, the smoke alarm is so close to the kitchen it goes off every time I take something out of the oven.  So I don't bake much. However, I need to start cooking more and eating healthier. I need a really simple diabetes meal plan, but there's so many different plans and ways to do things out there that I am totally lost.  I guess I have been depending too much on my medication to keep me in control.  I am trying to get in the habit of doing simple yoga and I'm thinking about walking around the apartment complex in the early mornings.

With diabetes, like it's name, you either beat it as best you can or you die.  I'm terrified.  Just plain scared that if I don't beat back hard enough, it's going to beat me.  Please keep me in your prayers.