Just Too Much

I keep praying and nothing happens.  I listen to others who are in even more dire straits than I am and my heart aches to help them and I can't. My tears won't stop.  My heart keeps pounding away inside my chest and won't quit.  I'm still here. For what? I feel like I'm just taking up space and not fulfilling any kind of mission I have on this earth.  I need relief, Lord.  Others who will remain nameless need relief.  Please Lord help us.  We can't survive without help.  Help in the form of money, food, shelter, jobs.  I can't keep going on like this every day.  Not knowing what to do, where to turn, how to ask for what I need.  And yet even if I had my needs met, there are still others who need help too.  Where do they turn, what do they do, how do they ask for what they need?  Then the old tried and true scripture comes to mind: "Ask and it will be given you, Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened unto you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks the door will be opened."-Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV)

I know that people are probably very tired of hearing about my situation and I'm very sorry about that.  I don't want to bother anyone with my troubles.  If I had good news I would share it.  If I didn't need anything I wouldn't ask.  The depression, the weariness, the mental exhaustion of worry just eats away at me each day and then I learn that others struggle too and I feel guilty because I am not able to help them.  All I can say is that I will pray.  So in case anyone wonders, I have shelter, I have a little food, but not enough money to stock back up for a month. Having diabetes makes it even harder to buy the things that are ok for me. I have outstanding bills I need to pay.  Rent and utilities are paid.  I am behind on my medicine bill and diabetes supplies co-pays.  But other bills still eat away at my conscience.  I am still waiting on the disability hearing.  Until then, each month is a struggle.  I just want an end to the worst year ever. Even if all my debts were to be paid in full before I receive the disability money, I would still have only about 83 dollars per month to spend on groceries.  So nothing will really help me but having this disability money or winning a lottery.  But I'm not playing any lotteries. I have to have health insurance.  I pay my rent so I have a place to live.  But after these are taken out of my retirement check, I then have only 320 dollars a month left for bills and groceries.  You say why don't you get a job?  Well, I'm waiting to find out if I will get disability.  Till I know something I can't go out and get a job because it might jeopardize my chances of winning the appeal. The whole point of getting disability is because you are not able to work. Because of my vision and hearing impairments as well as the diabetes I feel like I should no longer try to work and because I don't drive, my job choices are very limited.

So I feel my best choice is to have this disability money, especially since I am single and I see no new marriage in my future. If I am denied, and I have to work, I might be able to do some work from home on the computer. It's really a complicated thing and so uncertain.  I feel so like a ship without an anchor right now.
Anyway, this is what's going on and how I am feeling right now.  Hopeless, defeated, anxious, worried for myself and for others I know who are struggling also.  I know there is power in prayer and God's timing is always best.  I just need help. Please?