Flowing freely through the days of our lives is the theme that God is love. Over and over again we hear, we read, we see, we feel, the power that is love. In love God made the universe and created human beings in His own image. In love, He sent His Son Jesus to live on the earth and be sinless and eventually to be crucified for our sins and to be raised again to be seated with God in Heaven. What a tremendous message for all of mankind. Yet, so many do not know of this tremendous message. Some of us even forget about this message in the busyness of life. The newness of another day is a reminder of how much God loves us and cares about what happens to us. Even when bad things happen to us, God already knew what we were going to go through and He is prepared to be there to comfort, sustain, be our hope, our strength and our Guide through the trials we face.
Are we willing to let Him be there for us? I try but I sometimes wonder how long He is going to make me wait before things get better for me. I started out really good this year in trying to read my Bible every day and now I've already abandoned it. Another New Year's resolution busted. But I know I can start up again any time. That's the beauty of His Word. It's always there no matter what. Whether the day is good or bad, just so-so or absolutely fabulous, His Word is right there for us to contemplate, discover, share, and savor.
God is Love. His Word is Holy. God is Holy, His Word is Love. Holy Love reaching down, enfolding us in everlasting compassion, tenderness and beauty. I wish we had town criers in every town all across the world just shouting out this fact: "Hear Ye, Hear Ye, God is Love! His Word is Holy. You have a Holy Love waiting for you to embrace it. Hear Ye, Hear Ye, God is waiting. Come one, come all". And you don't have to wait for a town crier to spread the news. God says: You, Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere, that Jesus Christ is born and that God is Love.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Short Update
Things are about the same as they were in the fall when I last posted. Still waiting on the disability appeal which should take place in fall 2011. I have been able to start going back to church which is a blessing. I am riding with the couple that used to provide a ride to me before I was married. I have also attended one of the Tuesday ladies' classes at the church. One of my dear friends, Linda Olivet, is teaching the class this quarter. Right now I have plenty of food, still have some canned food from the food bank that I received back in the fall. Just wish I could finish off paying on some bills that are still outstanding but current living just eats everything up. My rent went up 20 dollars in January and my cable bill went up 15 dollars as well. I had to switch pharmacies due to some dispute about upping prices between independent pharmacies and the Teacher Retirement system so my old pharmacy is not taking my insurance card anymore. But thankfully I was able to find a pharmacy that delivers. However they charge 2 dollars per delivery and my old pharmacy delivered for free. I am trying to get back into working on my writing course but I get sidetracked so easily that it is hard to stay focused. I go to the doctor in about 3 weeks for a checkup. Hopefully everything will be ok. I know my A1C (3 month average of blood sugar) will be up and that will be no surprise to me with all the stress I have been under. But I am thankful my doctor is a Christian and that he's a very good doctor.
Thank you all for your prayers and love. Please continue to remember me in prayer whenever you can. I will try to post more often. Just don't have much to write about other than negative stuff and I know no one wants to hear about that. But I believe God is working and He will show me the way.
Thank you all for your prayers and love. Please continue to remember me in prayer whenever you can. I will try to post more often. Just don't have much to write about other than negative stuff and I know no one wants to hear about that. But I believe God is working and He will show me the way.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Abandoned, Forgotten, or Forsaken?
This is not an easy post to write. I say this because you will either care very deeply or you will not care at all.
Most of you are relatively healthy with good marriages, lots of friends, support systems, jobs that earn you a decent living, children that you are busy raising to be good citizens (I hope). You struggle some but the pain or trouble passes fairly quickly. Most of you are devout believers in God, with varying levels of faith, and involvement in your respective beliefs, churches or whatever you choose to put your hope and faith in. I am glad for you.
For many years, I too, had a job, a church that I was heavily involved in, and hopes for a good marriage and friendships. But I now have none of these things. I feel abandoned by my church family, forgotten by what few friends I may have had, and although He says He will never forsake me, I sometimes feel forsaken by my God in whom I strongly believe. For whatever reasons that I just don't know, I have failed to maintain friendships apparently, or else I'm not enough fun to be around. I realize that my lack of transportation has severely limited my ability to be a friend in some cases: to visit those who might be ill, or to help someone out, to get to the church and volunteer, to attend social functions, to attend worship and be seen as one who is a faithful Christian. I am not able to change the fact that I lack the ability to get myself somewhere. Even if I were to learn to drive, I cannot afford a vehicle, gas or insurance on my present retirement salary. I can't even pay all my bills each month or buy groceries. I don't have the funds to take advantage of public transportation like the Trolley, or a taxi every time I need to go somewhere. Although I love to shop, I don't go to the mall. I don't attend church social functions because I don't have the ability to get there without someone else's help. I don't have a best friend who would miss me if I didn't call or write for a few days. I don't have a church family that even misses me when I miss church. I still consider myself to be a member of this church but I can't help but feel abandoned.
I'm not writing this to get you to feel sorry for me. I desperately want my life to be better, and I am waiting very impatiently for a disability appeal hearing that could help me in many ways to improve my lot in life. But I have to wait for another year to a year and a half. If I lose the appeal, my life will go on as it is now. I cannot work at the present because it might jeopardize the appeal. I might have to consider trying to obtain a part time job later but my skills are limited. So in the meantime, I struggle each day with fear, with loneliness, with much worry. I pray but it doesn't seem to help. I don't know if my prayers are just hitting the ceiling and evaporating or what. I do not know why I have to go through this trial, especially alone, but apparently I am supposed to learn something from it. My marriage is over. I would love to try marriage again, but who would have me?
I am in a state of waiting...waiting...waiting. And it's killing me.
I have some debt that to have it paid off would be a tremendous help to get me through the next year. I went through bankruptcy several years ago and believe me I learned my lesson then, so my debt isn't that bad, it's just hard with the fixed amount of money I receive from my retirement each month to pay on everything I owe. I have to choose whether to pay bills or buy groceries. I cannot do both. I have not been to the grocery store this month. I am living off what I bought in September. I have had no bread or milk for over two and a half weeks. I have two rolls of toilet paper and I'm on my last roll of paper towels. I looked into food stamps, but I would need it to cover everything, and it does not cover paper products, medicines, soap, household products, etc. I have two cavities that need to be filled and the estimated cost for me is 204 dollars. the insurance will cover the rest of the estimated 400 dollars it will cost. I have to go to the doctor to get their signature for me to get my diabetes supplies paid through insurance but I can't afford the copay.
I had no inkling when I retired in June 2009 that a year later I would be divorced, living alone, crying every single day, missing my ex husband's pets terribly, and just all around miserable. I guess I made a mistake in quitting work/retiring that I can't change. It's really hard, and I solicit your prayers, and if you can help me in any way, I will gladly accept your help. Please don't hate me for writing about this in this blog. Sometimes people don't realize what others are going through. If there is anything I can pray about for you or do for you, I hope you will let me know. I really struggled with writing these words, You may not believe it but I do not want to be dependent on others. My family helps me when they can but I know they get tired of me always needing something. I don't mean to be needy. I wouldn't want what I am going through to happen to anyone. Thank you for reading this far and God bless you all.
Most of you are relatively healthy with good marriages, lots of friends, support systems, jobs that earn you a decent living, children that you are busy raising to be good citizens (I hope). You struggle some but the pain or trouble passes fairly quickly. Most of you are devout believers in God, with varying levels of faith, and involvement in your respective beliefs, churches or whatever you choose to put your hope and faith in. I am glad for you.
For many years, I too, had a job, a church that I was heavily involved in, and hopes for a good marriage and friendships. But I now have none of these things. I feel abandoned by my church family, forgotten by what few friends I may have had, and although He says He will never forsake me, I sometimes feel forsaken by my God in whom I strongly believe. For whatever reasons that I just don't know, I have failed to maintain friendships apparently, or else I'm not enough fun to be around. I realize that my lack of transportation has severely limited my ability to be a friend in some cases: to visit those who might be ill, or to help someone out, to get to the church and volunteer, to attend social functions, to attend worship and be seen as one who is a faithful Christian. I am not able to change the fact that I lack the ability to get myself somewhere. Even if I were to learn to drive, I cannot afford a vehicle, gas or insurance on my present retirement salary. I can't even pay all my bills each month or buy groceries. I don't have the funds to take advantage of public transportation like the Trolley, or a taxi every time I need to go somewhere. Although I love to shop, I don't go to the mall. I don't attend church social functions because I don't have the ability to get there without someone else's help. I don't have a best friend who would miss me if I didn't call or write for a few days. I don't have a church family that even misses me when I miss church. I still consider myself to be a member of this church but I can't help but feel abandoned.
I'm not writing this to get you to feel sorry for me. I desperately want my life to be better, and I am waiting very impatiently for a disability appeal hearing that could help me in many ways to improve my lot in life. But I have to wait for another year to a year and a half. If I lose the appeal, my life will go on as it is now. I cannot work at the present because it might jeopardize the appeal. I might have to consider trying to obtain a part time job later but my skills are limited. So in the meantime, I struggle each day with fear, with loneliness, with much worry. I pray but it doesn't seem to help. I don't know if my prayers are just hitting the ceiling and evaporating or what. I do not know why I have to go through this trial, especially alone, but apparently I am supposed to learn something from it. My marriage is over. I would love to try marriage again, but who would have me?
I am in a state of waiting...waiting...waiting. And it's killing me.
I have some debt that to have it paid off would be a tremendous help to get me through the next year. I went through bankruptcy several years ago and believe me I learned my lesson then, so my debt isn't that bad, it's just hard with the fixed amount of money I receive from my retirement each month to pay on everything I owe. I have to choose whether to pay bills or buy groceries. I cannot do both. I have not been to the grocery store this month. I am living off what I bought in September. I have had no bread or milk for over two and a half weeks. I have two rolls of toilet paper and I'm on my last roll of paper towels. I looked into food stamps, but I would need it to cover everything, and it does not cover paper products, medicines, soap, household products, etc. I have two cavities that need to be filled and the estimated cost for me is 204 dollars. the insurance will cover the rest of the estimated 400 dollars it will cost. I have to go to the doctor to get their signature for me to get my diabetes supplies paid through insurance but I can't afford the copay.
I had no inkling when I retired in June 2009 that a year later I would be divorced, living alone, crying every single day, missing my ex husband's pets terribly, and just all around miserable. I guess I made a mistake in quitting work/retiring that I can't change. It's really hard, and I solicit your prayers, and if you can help me in any way, I will gladly accept your help. Please don't hate me for writing about this in this blog. Sometimes people don't realize what others are going through. If there is anything I can pray about for you or do for you, I hope you will let me know. I really struggled with writing these words, You may not believe it but I do not want to be dependent on others. My family helps me when they can but I know they get tired of me always needing something. I don't mean to be needy. I wouldn't want what I am going through to happen to anyone. Thank you for reading this far and God bless you all.
Friday, September 24, 2010
September, October, November, and Alabama
Hey ya'll, it's fall! And I wore white shoes a couple of days ago. Gasp! Well, good grief, it's still over 90 degrees here! I am in the midst of a deep depression, but I won't write about that. Instead I will talk about fall, and my favorite word in the fall: football! September, October and November weekends are to die for with Alabama football on Saturdays. With luck and fab playing by the team, we will extend these Saturday orgasmic delights into December and January by appointment only Saturdays (meaning the SEC championship game and whatever bowl game might lock us in). Joy!
Ingram, Richardson, Hightower, McElroy, Maze, Dial. These are some names on the roster of the team. I am forgetting others who are just as talented and important to the team. If you are not familiar with these names you must study up! And remind me if you will of other good names! Auburn fans, I am sorry but your turn is coming again, when you will be defeated, demoralized, and demeaned for another year. Thank goodness it's around Thanksgiving, when we can give thanks for good Tiger stew!
We are about to chow down on the Hogs and then next week we will fry up some Gator meat. These are two exciting games to look forward to. October is coming and that is the heart of the season, when practice and teamwork must be honed to the finest detail. Now I'm about to switch gears a little, so hold on to your Alabama cap.
That said, I am thinking that life is a lot like a football team. Even with practice, some mistakes are made. Even with years of experience behind you, sometimes the decision is not the right one to be made. But like Coach Saban, who is a discipline man, so is our God. He expects us to put our trust in Him just like the players on the team trust Coach Saban and his assistants to teach them how to play football. God teaches us how to live life. After all, He gave us life, why should He not carry us through it? If you don't even glance at your Bible every day, you are missing out on some of the choicest words put together that were ever assembled together in a book. I have cried the last two days at how God has directed my reading to encourage me in the midst of what I am going through. I know God wants to bless you too. So find your Bible, dust it off and start reading! If you need a Bible reading plan, you can find one on the internet. I am using the One Year Bible plan.
Some think that Paul "Bear" Bryant is/was God. Not hardly. But Gene Stallings almost is. Yes, I jest. But that is just how important some people feel about football and the people who are involved with it. I submit that many of these men are mere mortals who depend on the Father for their direction in teaching these young men how to play football and how to capture the essence of life while they are young. Look to their example and teach the young and the old around you about the joy of living for the Lord.
I believe God is with me every day. He will be with me as I watch the game tomorrow and cheer for my Alabama Crimson Tide football team. Somebody has to win the game and somebody has to lose the game. The players on the losing team will be upset, disappointed and maybe depressed. But God will be with them and will encourage them just as He will the winning team. That's the beauty of God. Embrace Him and enjoy Him.
Roll Tide everybody!
Ingram, Richardson, Hightower, McElroy, Maze, Dial. These are some names on the roster of the team. I am forgetting others who are just as talented and important to the team. If you are not familiar with these names you must study up! And remind me if you will of other good names! Auburn fans, I am sorry but your turn is coming again, when you will be defeated, demoralized, and demeaned for another year. Thank goodness it's around Thanksgiving, when we can give thanks for good Tiger stew!
We are about to chow down on the Hogs and then next week we will fry up some Gator meat. These are two exciting games to look forward to. October is coming and that is the heart of the season, when practice and teamwork must be honed to the finest detail. Now I'm about to switch gears a little, so hold on to your Alabama cap.
That said, I am thinking that life is a lot like a football team. Even with practice, some mistakes are made. Even with years of experience behind you, sometimes the decision is not the right one to be made. But like Coach Saban, who is a discipline man, so is our God. He expects us to put our trust in Him just like the players on the team trust Coach Saban and his assistants to teach them how to play football. God teaches us how to live life. After all, He gave us life, why should He not carry us through it? If you don't even glance at your Bible every day, you are missing out on some of the choicest words put together that were ever assembled together in a book. I have cried the last two days at how God has directed my reading to encourage me in the midst of what I am going through. I know God wants to bless you too. So find your Bible, dust it off and start reading! If you need a Bible reading plan, you can find one on the internet. I am using the One Year Bible plan.
Some think that Paul "Bear" Bryant is/was God. Not hardly. But Gene Stallings almost is. Yes, I jest. But that is just how important some people feel about football and the people who are involved with it. I submit that many of these men are mere mortals who depend on the Father for their direction in teaching these young men how to play football and how to capture the essence of life while they are young. Look to their example and teach the young and the old around you about the joy of living for the Lord.
I believe God is with me every day. He will be with me as I watch the game tomorrow and cheer for my Alabama Crimson Tide football team. Somebody has to win the game and somebody has to lose the game. The players on the losing team will be upset, disappointed and maybe depressed. But God will be with them and will encourage them just as He will the winning team. That's the beauty of God. Embrace Him and enjoy Him.
Roll Tide everybody!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Two Hours and Forty Minutes a Day
My moving's done. I'm fairly settled in. A good many more pictures to hang, but then I'm really settled. I didn't have too many pictures hung up at the house so it is nice to have all my familiar things around me once more. I just wish I could find my gray Alabama t-shirt and my small black purse. That is really nagging at me. So...what do I do with myself now? Watch tv, watch movies, play games on the computer, check Facebook compulsively, check my regular emails, and check my Incredimail emails, or I could create new Incredimail letters. so many choices. Hmmm, but I am leaving something out. It's my quiet time. But it's always quiet time around here so I need another name for it. I used to have one for it, but now I can't remember what it is. There's a sure sign I'm getting old! Maybe it was called my reflection time?? Anywhoo, I have been thinking about that and recalling the directive we have in Malachi to give a tenth of what we have earned back to God. I have always liked the idea of giving back my time to God as well and I have tried to do this in the past with not much success.
I am thinking I would like to give it a try again. To spend 2 hours and 40 minutes a day in prayer, reading the Bible, singing or reading some other inspirational work. I have tried to do it all at once but that is hard. I am thinking I might divide it into 1 hour and 20 minute segments so that I will be less distracted. It will be something to look forward to after I have done it for awhile I think. Maybe this will help me in my spiritual life not to feel so lost, especially since I am not able to attend church as I would like to.
If anyone has prayer requests at any time, please feel free to make your requests known.
Thanks for reading my blog and keeping up with me. Your friendship and support is deeply appreciated.
I am thinking I would like to give it a try again. To spend 2 hours and 40 minutes a day in prayer, reading the Bible, singing or reading some other inspirational work. I have tried to do it all at once but that is hard. I am thinking I might divide it into 1 hour and 20 minute segments so that I will be less distracted. It will be something to look forward to after I have done it for awhile I think. Maybe this will help me in my spiritual life not to feel so lost, especially since I am not able to attend church as I would like to.
If anyone has prayer requests at any time, please feel free to make your requests known.
Thanks for reading my blog and keeping up with me. Your friendship and support is deeply appreciated.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wanting and Being Wanted
No, I'm not talking about the FBI's Most Wanted List. That would be criminal of me. I'm talking about just getting through each day at a time wanting certain things, waiting on God and never seeming to hear an answer. The hot and cold of one day believing, the next day, not being so sure He's there for me. I sit and watch HGTV for hours on end looking at what other people have on the house and decorating shows, knowing I'm never gonna have that beach hideaway, or that money to take a cruise. Or even that nice house with the granite countertops in the kitchen and the walk in closets that I don't rent, but OWN. In spite of the fact that it depresses me to see what other people have, I do enjoy watching these shows because I feel like I learn from them. I may never know the joy of owning my home, but neither will I face the panic of not having the money to buy that new heating/cooling system that it needs or actually have to learn what weeds to pull in the yard or that ridiculous monthly mortgage payment. I'm 53 years old, got married at 50 after waiting for years and making some mistakes along the way in my quest to find eternal bliss in married life. Fast forward three years later, now divorced and in the midst of an ongoing panic attack over the direction my life is headed. Back to apartment living, being alone, depending on many others to help me, rather than having a husband to gain mutual support and help from. I'm not sure that anybody really needs me, but I sure need them. What could I do for anyone anyway? I have no money, I have no real skills to offer except to be a friend and listen. But I don't get to do that very often. I spent 25 years in a job that offered no way out. I never felt wanted there. I don't feel wanted anywhere. Just taking up space. I want to be wanted. Very badly.
I'm supposed to be able to write. Write what? I don't seem to qualify for any writing jobs out there. I have no other skills to fall back on to get any type of work. My cooking skills are too limited for restaurant cooking, my hearing is bad, my vision is bad, so I would be bad at answering phones or sewing clothes. I don't even know what direction this blog entry is going. I'm just blindly typing my thoughts as they occur. Don't even know if it all makes any sense. But I do want to say I haven't given up on God, I remember when He spoke to me and told me that He would give me a husband. But I didn't know I'd have to wait ten years. I remember when He gave me a dream that told me I was never going to have a certain recurring nightmare again. It has been 13 years since I've had those dreams and they have not come back.
I am tired of wanting things like security, a nice home, friends who really do want to spend time with me and not having them. I would love to be championed by someone who believes in me. I guess that's God's job. But I don't know what He's waiting on. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Where am I supposed to live? What do I do these next four weeks or so while I am getting ready to move? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? I would like to have another chance at marriage and get it right, but don't know if I deserve that. I'm not looking. God is going to have to bring him to me this time. It's gonna be His choice all the way. Without a doubt. And if God wants me for himself, then that's the way it's going to be.Wanting Trusting God to lead me in the direction He has prepared for me in all phases of my life, that's what's important. Should be an exciting few weeks coming up! Stay tuned!
I'm supposed to be able to write. Write what? I don't seem to qualify for any writing jobs out there. I have no other skills to fall back on to get any type of work. My cooking skills are too limited for restaurant cooking, my hearing is bad, my vision is bad, so I would be bad at answering phones or sewing clothes. I don't even know what direction this blog entry is going. I'm just blindly typing my thoughts as they occur. Don't even know if it all makes any sense. But I do want to say I haven't given up on God, I remember when He spoke to me and told me that He would give me a husband. But I didn't know I'd have to wait ten years. I remember when He gave me a dream that told me I was never going to have a certain recurring nightmare again. It has been 13 years since I've had those dreams and they have not come back.
I am tired of wanting things like security, a nice home, friends who really do want to spend time with me and not having them. I would love to be championed by someone who believes in me. I guess that's God's job. But I don't know what He's waiting on. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Where am I supposed to live? What do I do these next four weeks or so while I am getting ready to move? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? I would like to have another chance at marriage and get it right, but don't know if I deserve that. I'm not looking. God is going to have to bring him to me this time. It's gonna be His choice all the way. Without a doubt. And if God wants me for himself, then that's the way it's going to be.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Hoarders and other stuff
I have become quite interested in the phenomenon of hoarding. I never knew that such a thing existed till I started watching a tv show on A&E network called Hoarders. It is quite fascinating how people with this affliction survive and live. I am no psychiatrist but here is my explanation of what it is. Hoarding is an illness whereby people get emotionally attached to things to such an extent that they cannot part with even the trash they may have in their homes. A lot of them are compulsive shoppers and they go out and buy things they don't even need. Most of these homes they show have piles and piles in every room with items and trash so that you cannot even walk in the rooms. One woman could not get to her bathroom so that she had two years of used adult diapers in trash bags in her house. One man had 500,000 beer cans he was collecting.
I guess I am what you would call a pack rat. I am also sentimental and I am afraid I will forget the memories that I want to keep if I should throw something out, which happens to also be a trait of a hoarder. But I can throw things away, I just put off doing it. Very much a procrastinator. I have a lot of stuff I need to clear out and go through before I move this summer. Lots of stress there and I think hoarders feel a lot of stress they can't deal with. This leads me to other stuff:
A Bible study on stress that I just read says that there are 4 causes of stress:
People
Events
Thoughts
Emotions
People cause stress through personality, values, and character traits. Some people energize us and others exhaust us. I would rather energize people and be an encourager than to wear them out with my presence. But I don't know if I'm always the encourager I want to be.
Events can cause stress. Sickness, problems in the workplace, marital difficulties. Anything is an event in your life. I can feel stress by watching somebody sing on television that I absolutely can't stand. the stress reliever for that is to turn it off! Decision making is an event that causes stress. I have a lot of decisions to make in the next few months about jobs, new place to live, getting stuff ready to move, getting it moved, getting settled, paying for everything, keeping my health and sanity in the process. I'm feeling the stress already! The strain of the divorce is very telling for me. I am tired a lot. I sleep a lot more because I am depressed about the direction my life is going. I miss having friends to hang out with. I don't go anywhere but the grocery store, the doctor and church, and to the bank occasionally. I even miss working to some extent. I guess I miss productivity.
Thoughts are a big stress producer, especially when they are negative and pulling you down. Being honest with myself about how I feel is important because I need to be validated in these thoughts. If I feel I am not honest or misleading myself or others then I am causing myself and others stress. A busy mind that never stops is a peace robber. I need to slow down and just meditate on the Word of God and the peace that passes all understanding.
Emotional stress is a biggie. Anger is another peace robber. To feel hostility toward others is self-defeating. I am hurting myself more than the other person. Feeling hopeless is a feeling I often have these days. But I should always have hope because God is in charge, not me. Discouragement is a palpable emotion that can really take over my life if I let it. I have a lot of reasons to be discouraged right now but I would really rather hang on to hope. That's why I am trying not to worry too much about my situation (even though I wrote about all my anxiety a few weeks ago). I have been praying about my situation and although I really have no answers yet I feel like God heard me and He's gonna move when it's time to move. I've been able to get to church in the last few weeks except for this past Sunday. It was good and uplifting to be there. I just wish I felt like I fit in. I don't feel that way yet. So that causes me some emotional stress, but I'm not gonna quit going just cause I don't have a group of friends to hang out with there. The purpose is to worship God and encourage others in their worship of God.
I do solicit the prayers of every one who reads these words. I would love it if you would respond with prayer requests for yourselves or for others as you have need to. I can post a weekly prayer list every week and answers to those prayers later.
I guess I am what you would call a pack rat. I am also sentimental and I am afraid I will forget the memories that I want to keep if I should throw something out, which happens to also be a trait of a hoarder. But I can throw things away, I just put off doing it. Very much a procrastinator. I have a lot of stuff I need to clear out and go through before I move this summer. Lots of stress there and I think hoarders feel a lot of stress they can't deal with. This leads me to other stuff:
A Bible study on stress that I just read says that there are 4 causes of stress:
People
Events
Thoughts
Emotions
People cause stress through personality, values, and character traits. Some people energize us and others exhaust us. I would rather energize people and be an encourager than to wear them out with my presence. But I don't know if I'm always the encourager I want to be.
Events can cause stress. Sickness, problems in the workplace, marital difficulties. Anything is an event in your life. I can feel stress by watching somebody sing on television that I absolutely can't stand. the stress reliever for that is to turn it off! Decision making is an event that causes stress. I have a lot of decisions to make in the next few months about jobs, new place to live, getting stuff ready to move, getting it moved, getting settled, paying for everything, keeping my health and sanity in the process. I'm feeling the stress already! The strain of the divorce is very telling for me. I am tired a lot. I sleep a lot more because I am depressed about the direction my life is going. I miss having friends to hang out with. I don't go anywhere but the grocery store, the doctor and church, and to the bank occasionally. I even miss working to some extent. I guess I miss productivity.
Thoughts are a big stress producer, especially when they are negative and pulling you down. Being honest with myself about how I feel is important because I need to be validated in these thoughts. If I feel I am not honest or misleading myself or others then I am causing myself and others stress. A busy mind that never stops is a peace robber. I need to slow down and just meditate on the Word of God and the peace that passes all understanding.
Emotional stress is a biggie. Anger is another peace robber. To feel hostility toward others is self-defeating. I am hurting myself more than the other person. Feeling hopeless is a feeling I often have these days. But I should always have hope because God is in charge, not me. Discouragement is a palpable emotion that can really take over my life if I let it. I have a lot of reasons to be discouraged right now but I would really rather hang on to hope. That's why I am trying not to worry too much about my situation (even though I wrote about all my anxiety a few weeks ago). I have been praying about my situation and although I really have no answers yet I feel like God heard me and He's gonna move when it's time to move. I've been able to get to church in the last few weeks except for this past Sunday. It was good and uplifting to be there. I just wish I felt like I fit in. I don't feel that way yet. So that causes me some emotional stress, but I'm not gonna quit going just cause I don't have a group of friends to hang out with there. The purpose is to worship God and encourage others in their worship of God.
I do solicit the prayers of every one who reads these words. I would love it if you would respond with prayer requests for yourselves or for others as you have need to. I can post a weekly prayer list every week and answers to those prayers later.
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